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About Varied / Hobbyist ✦ 【 Jack 】✦Other/United Kingdom Recent Activity
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So yesterday I relapsed and broke the 8 month streak and today I'll probably be hospitalized. I'm not getting hospitalized because I cut but because me and my Mother got into an argument before she dropped me off here (at work where I'm typing this now since my patient hasn't arrived yet) and in the argument I threatened to kill myself. I'll type the conversation after. Now nobody said I'm getting hospitalized but I'm assuming because well, usually if a person talks like this they're sure to be hospitalized. This time, I don't think this will be partial hospitalization where I'm able to spend school/work hours at the hospital and return home. Nonetheless I just want to say during my hospitalization I'm logging out of all of my social media accounts to keep her from seeing everything I do. It's a shame I'm 23 with no freedom, lol, isn't that funny?


Now for the conversation! (text messages)


Mom:
You have a wonderful day. Start holding your head up. You are a beautiful lady. Not a man. Not a boy. But a beautiful lady. You can do anything you want in life.

Me:
I'd like to have a wonderful day but everything that's been said to me earlier upset me. I don't conform to society's gender roles and my gender doesn't align with my biological sex. I don't feel female. I don't like being addressed as a female. I don't feel comfortable being addressed by a female, but okay. I'll try to have a good day. I'll try to act like a lady.

Mom: One thing you will not do is text me what you said in a condescending manner. And so what about you being upset? It upsets me that you have gotten away with being rude and disobedient so learn to deal with things. That's a lot of nerve.

Me: Okay so when I kill myself please don't say anything.


And that's everything that happened. And I don't even care, I meant what I said. Anyhow, I guess I'll be disappearing now, lmao.
Fuck this recovery,

fuck everything.

Fuck everyone.

I'm doing everything told me not to do and I'm going to relapse.

I'm going to binge drink. I'm going to binge smoke. I'm going to cut myself. I'm going to do everything I was told not to, and I really. Don't. Fucking. Care.

I quit and I'm done. Allistor can divorce me. My son can die. My friends can forget me. My family can abandon me. I quit. I seriously fucking QUIT!
So yesterday I relapsed and broke the 8 month streak and today I'll probably be hospitalized. I'm not getting hospitalized because I cut but because me and my Mother got into an argument before she dropped me off here (at work where I'm typing this now since my patient hasn't arrived yet) and in the argument I threatened to kill myself. I'll type the conversation after. Now nobody said I'm getting hospitalized but I'm assuming because well, usually if a person talks like this they're sure to be hospitalized. This time, I don't think this will be partial hospitalization where I'm able to spend school/work hours at the hospital and return home. Nonetheless I just want to say during my hospitalization I'm logging out of all of my social media accounts to keep her from seeing everything I do. It's a shame I'm 23 with no freedom, lol, isn't that funny?


Now for the conversation! (text messages)


Mom:
You have a wonderful day. Start holding your head up. You are a beautiful lady. Not a man. Not a boy. But a beautiful lady. You can do anything you want in life.

Me:
I'd like to have a wonderful day but everything that's been said to me earlier upset me. I don't conform to society's gender roles and my gender doesn't align with my biological sex. I don't feel female. I don't like being addressed as a female. I don't feel comfortable being addressed by a female, but okay. I'll try to have a good day. I'll try to act like a lady.

Mom: One thing you will not do is text me what you said in a condescending manner. And so what about you being upset? It upsets me that you have gotten away with being rude and disobedient so learn to deal with things. That's a lot of nerve.

Me: Okay so when I kill myself please don't say anything.


And that's everything that happened. And I don't even care, I meant what I said. Anyhow, I guess I'll be disappearing now, lmao.

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PrussiaDesu's Profile Picture
PrussiaDesu
✦ 【 Jack 】✦
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United Kingdom
♚ Wear my love like a crown. ♚

✪ TWEWY, KH, Outlast, Danganronpa & Owari No Seraph trash ✪ Gemini ✪ ENTP

6.29.2013 ♡ | 1.12.2014 ❤︎ | 11.03.15 <3

❝ I am who I am. You know i'll bend the truth and break it too. I am who I am. You know I care for you but not enough to let you go. ❞ ♡

Hey, my name is Zea Wesleyan-Dylan but you can call me either Joshua, Ben, Mikaela or Waylon. I'd prefer he/him or they/them pronouns please. Married at 23 and a college senior graduating from the University of Edinburgh in 2017 as well as the father of one. My hobbies include cosplaying, roleplaying, gaming and linguistics, photography, video making, singing, drawing and film editing. I'm currently majoring in psychology and working as a psychiatric therapist. I enjoy watching anime, writing original stories, reading, astrology, philosophy and astronomy. My favorite genres of music are jpop, kpop, electronic, punk/punk rock, metal/metal rock, alt./indie and VOCALOID (aka synthesizers). I love traveling and believe it or not, I'm an atheistic misanthrope who's extremely introverted for an extrovert. I struggle with BPD, MPD, depression, anxiety and a recovering self harmer. A member of the LGBT+ community and proud social justice worker. If there's anything else you want to know just ask me.
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:icondanny-the-hedghog:
Danny-the-Hedghog Featured By Owner Edited Jul 13, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
OMGsqueeAPH Prussia tackle hug Bro hug  Thankies for the +watch  senpai!!!Love in the Air ~hug lifes' completehug 
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:iconprussiadesu:
PrussiaDesu Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
You're much welcomed frau, kesesesese~
Reply
:icondanny-the-hedghog:
Danny-the-Hedghog Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Squee!!! APH HRE Squee APH HRE Squee APH HRE Squee 
:happybounce: :happybounce: :happybounce:  veee~Italy 
Reply
:icondanny-the-hedghog:
Danny-the-Hedghog Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
 HORRY SHEETU YOU LOVE HETALIA TOO?  YAY America (The Hero) [V2] APH America: Sparkle Glasses YOUNorth Italy Talking Icon  HAVE MY FRIENDSHIP FOREVERItaly (Free Hug) [V2]  ^^Emoji32 Emoji02 Emoji06 Emoji08 
Deserves a +WatchEmoji06 Emoji08
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:iconprussiadesu:
PrussiaDesu Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA yeah i am actually not into hetalia anymore but i'll still take that friendship and watch though
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:icondanny-the-hedghog:
Danny-the-Hedghog Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
AwwwItaly (Joy) [V1]  Really??? welp, ok thenItaly (Finds a crab) [V1]  ^^ also love your Hetalia x Reader havent actually read them but im planning to print them before i do
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:iconprussiadesu:
PrussiaDesu Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, unfortunately, sorry. Thanks though. Have fun with that, too
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(1 Reply)
:iconfxrbidden:
Fxrbidden Featured By Owner May 22, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much for the faves! I really appreciate it~
Reply
:iconprussiadesu:
PrussiaDesu Featured By Owner May 22, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Kesesesese, much welcomed liebe!
Reply
:iconaquaticargolis:
Thank you so much for the favorites! :iconlovepurpleplz::iconlovegreenplz:
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